AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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