If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
