i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
