I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
