My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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