I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
