I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
