Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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