is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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