why didn't you poke me back
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
