i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
