so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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