Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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