Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
