i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
bring money and cleavage
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
