I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
