I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
