Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Randomize
