oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
there is glitter all over my balls
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
