Cold hands, warm shart.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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