one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
