All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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