Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
