Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
