How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I just found puke in my bra..
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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