I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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