What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Randomize
