We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
