I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
