My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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