you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
