Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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