You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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