So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
