Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
