i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
