Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
