Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Randomize
