Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
