mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
