Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Randomize
