Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
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