yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
You were trust falling into bushes
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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