): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
