I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
