one might say we're banned from that church
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
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