U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
