I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
