I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
