the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
