My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
