My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
